Feelings are just part of us, they’re not good or bad. They’re information and energy. It is what we do with that information and energy that becomes good or bad.
You can't actually keep your child from getting upset, whether you "allow" it or not. Sending your child to his room to calm down won't keep him from being upset; it will just give him the message that he's all alone with those big, scary emotions, and he'd better try to stuff them away. Unfortunately, when humans repress emotion, those emotions are no longer under conscious control. So they pop up and your child lashes out or becomes withdrawn.
It's that behavior that scares us, when our child seems completely out of control or simply unreachable. Kids don't get dysregulated because we "allow" their emotions. They get that way when they need to express an emotion but can't.
Spankings, time outs, consequences, and shaming don't give kids the help they need with their emotions. In fact, the message kids get is that the emotions that drove them to "misbehave" are bad. So they try to repress their emotions, and their emotional cup begins to overflow -- those feelings keep bubbling up looking for understanding and healing, they are lashing out because the emotions feel so scary.
Emotional intelligence, also known as EI or EQ (for emotional intelligence quotient), describes a person's ability to recognize emotions, to understand their powerful effect, and to use that information to guide thinking and behavior.
The first step in helping a child to develop emotional intelligence is to help them become aware of their emotions and name them. Research shows that naming emotions allows us to “slow down” and consider them before acting.
Simply naming feelings begins to sooth the brain, reducing emotional reactivity.
A child is not born knowing about emotions
Help the child get to know themselves: This requires practice, just as we must practice to develop our reading and comprehension skills to become literate, children must practice identifying and naming their emotions. Then they can decide what outcome they want, how they wish to feel.
The brain learns best through the context of stories. Stories stimulate multi-sensory integration and help the brain to order and orient the things it needs to know. A story, if broken down into the simplest form, is a connection of cause and effect. And that is exactly how we think.
FTT4KIDZ allows even a very young child to connect with their feelings through pictures. Once they have identified what emotion they are feeling they can add a few details like where an incident happened, they can then go on to decide how they wish to feel and what it is they need to get there.